Ash to Ash
by Shimmering-Sky
Summary: The first night is the hardest. They'd always communicated far better through exchanged glances than words, but that's all gone now, the fire stolen from his eyes. "I would have done it, you know. If it meant saving your life, I would have…" (Post-Promised Day. Royai)


**A/N: Hello, everyone! Thanks for choosing to check out this one-shot! I had the idea going around in my head for a little over a week after seeing a post on Pinterest about the word "mamihlapinatapai". It's a word that doesn't translate very well, but the meaning is "looking at each other hoping that either will offer to do something which both parties desire but are unwilling to do."**

 **Of freaking course my immediate first thought was "THIS IS ROYAI. THIS IS TOTALLY ROYAI." Then it was raining yesterday and I was stuck in my room as a result, so I wrote the whole thing in a few hours and just held onto it until today because my beta reader was busy.**

 **While this story isn't exactly "looking at each other hoping that either will offer to do something which both parties desire but are unwilling to do", it's got a whole lot to do with the way they kind of communicate through looks sometimes.**

 **Enjoy~!**

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"Lieutenant? Are you awake?"

If Riza had not been listening to his steady breathing to remind herself that _he's alive_ and _everything's going to be alright_ , she's sure that she would have missed her superior's gentle whisper. "Yes sir, I'm awake," she replies. She shifts enough to be able to look at him—the fresh stitches on her throat stop her from just turning her head—and it breaks her heart to see him in the moonlight, his eyes blankly staring at the ceiling. "Is there something you need?"

"What… what time is it?" Roy asks, just as quietly as his initial question.

A quick glance at the clock. "01:20," Riza reads, the words leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. _It's unfair what happened,_ she thinks, _it's so unfair. Not "equivalent exchange" in the slightest. Why did his sight have to be taken? He can't even tell between night and day anymore._ "You should be asleep, sir," she adds as an afterthought. "Your injuries won't heal if you don't."

He acknowledges her statement with a grunt, then goes silent. He raises a bandaged hand, reaching for the sky he can no longer see, frowning. "You should be sleeping too, Lieutenant. Your injuries are…" His hand sinks back down and he rolls over, so that she can't even see the blank stare on his face. "…they're far worse than mine."

 _So unfair._

The two of them had always— _always_ —communicated far more through exchanged glances than with their words. The _"We did it,"_ hidden in his eyes when he first managed to create a flame with alchemy— _"we"_ , not _"I"_. The _"How could yous"_ she could never bring herself to say aloud when she watches him use it during the war. The _"I have no right to ask for your forgiveness, but I'm still sorry, so damn sorry"_ inked in his eyes even while the fighting is still going on, and which remained for too long after he burned the tattoo off her back. The very forbidden _"I need yous"_ and _"Stay with mes"_ in their moments of weakness.

It's all gone now. Stolen from him as payment for a transmutation he never wanted to do. Stolen because he envisioned a better future for Amestris. Stolen while all she could do was _watch_. She hates that she wasn't strong enough to protect him from this.

"I would have done it, you know," Roy murmurs, his back still turned to her.

Riza doesn't answer that, because she _knows_.

"I meant what I said in the tunnels," he continues, and she wishes he wouldn't because putting everything to words is something _they don't do_. "I already lost Maes, I couldn't lose you, too. If it meant saving your life, I would have—"

"No," she interrupts. "No, you wouldn't have done it. You're stronger than that, sir."

He lets out a mirthless laugh in response while he rolls onto his back, once again staring blankly at the ceiling. "No. _You've_ always been the strong one, Riza."

The use of her first name stuns her into silence. It's been _years_ since he's called her _just_ Riza. Even if it's the middle of the night and they are most certainly alone—they've been alone together before, in moments of weakness just like this, and never did he slip out of calling her "Lieutenant" or "Hawkeye".

"I would have strayed off the path so many times if it wasn't for you," Roy admits, covering his eyes with his arm. "I didn't want to think I was _that_ pathetic, but after what happened today, with Envy, with the transmutation, I've really just been lying to myself."

"You're wrong… _Roy_ ," Riza replies. If he's going to drop the formalities, then she will too, no matter how foreign it feels on her lips. "You have people—and not just _me_ —who would follow you into hell if you asked them to. You planned and led a _successful_ coup d'état, and the public doesn't hate you for it. Your flames played a major role in bringing down the single greatest threat humanity has ever seen. A pathetic man wouldn't have managed _any_ of that."

She watches him lower his arm, and for a moment she sees the surprise buried in his eyes before the dullness overtakes it. "But… Riza…"

"But _nothing_ ," she says. "I know you, Roy. You have a heart that cares almost _too_ much for the people around you, but that's also what makes you strong. You made some mistakes today—so what? _No one_ is strong or perfect enough not to, so quit trying to blame yourself for it."

He opens his mouth to respond, but almost immediately shuts it and shakes his head, laughing again, this time with some feeling behind it. "As always, you're right. I just can't win an argument with you, can I, Lieutenant?" he asks, slipping back into more comfortable boundaries.

She wishes so much that he could see the smile making its way onto her face. "Perhaps if you chose the correct side of the argument, you'd beat me. I've yet to see that happen, Colonel."

This time he lets out a laugh and _means_ it, shielding his heart as though he's been shot there. "So cold, Lieutenant! But…" He turns and offers her a smile, and she sees the fire in his eyes. "…Thank you for letting me get that off my chest. And… thanks for the encouragement, too. I needed it."

"You're welcome sir," she replies, tugging on her sheet. "Will you be able to sleep now?"

His eyes shut and an ever-so-slight snoring sound is her answer.

Riza smiles. Maybe they won't be able to communicate through shared glances anymore, but they're _still here_. They've been through so many obstacles together, and they've made it through another. They'll be fine. "Goodnight, Roy," she whispers, and at last she lets herself succumb to the night.

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 **A/N: Fun fact, I wrote this while listening to "Theme of Love" from** _ **Final Fantasy IV**_ **and (ironically) "In the Morning Sun" from** _ **Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky**_ **. Both songs I associate with two of my favorite ships from childhood (Cecil/Rosa and Grovyle/Celebi, respectively). Oh boy do I ship Royai with every fiber of my being and** _ **then**_ **some.**

 **Thanks for reading! I hope you guys leave a review!**

 **PS: To those of you who are also reading my story "Again", I'm so sorry for the delay. I received some pretty awful news a week and a half ago and it gave me** _ **severe**_ **writer's block. Thankfully taking a break and writing this one-shot has put me back in the writing mood—I hope to have chapter five out sometime later this week!**


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